Last month I said yes to covering a coworker’s shift, even though I had already worked six days in a row. A friend needed help moving, and I cleared my schedule even though I had no free time to spare. My neighbor asked me to watch her cat, and I agreed despite being allergic. Every time I wanted to say “not this time,” what came out was “sure.” My mom once told me: you are kind to everyone else, except yourself. I laughed it off back then. I don’t laugh anymore.
The shift happened on a Saturday morning. I had planned to go to the farmers’ market, then spend some time at the park. Then my phone rang. A friend asked if I could pick up a family member from the airport. I stood in the kitchen, coffee still brewing. I wanted to say yes, like always. But a small voice inside said: you are tired too. I stayed quiet for a few seconds, then said, I really can’t this time. I need a day off. There was a pause on the other end. Then she said, okay, I’ll ask someone else. No hard feelings. No disappointment. None of the consequences I had feared for years.
I hung up, sat by the window, and finished my coffee. Sunlight streamed across the kitchen table. My cat curled up on my lap and snored. I didn’t go anywhere that morning. I didn’t do anything special. But it was the best morning I had had in a long time. I suddenly understood something: most of those moments I was afraid of letting people down never actually led to any disaster. What had been ruining my life was putting myself last, over and over again.
After that, I started saying no more often. It was hard at first. My palms would go clammy. I would keep wondering if the other person was upset. But slowly I learned that most people were fine with it. And the time and energy I saved finally gave me room to do things I actually enjoyed.
I still help my friends when I can. But only when I truly have something left in the tank. I don’t put myself last on the list anymore. This isn’t selfishness. It’s me finally learning that I deserve to be treated well too.
